i just got back from a long weekend in orange city, which provided me with a few hours to let my mind wander. and believe me, it did. so like usual, please excuse my rambling randomness....
first, my weekend. i think the best way to describe it was to say it was bitter sweet. i miss my girl friends soooo much, and up to this point, i am very grateful and thankful for how we've kept in touch and how legitimately excited they appeared to be when i got up to orange city. however, by being up there, i realized how much i'm missing out on this year. and it just sucks. i already felt like those girls meant more to me than i did to them, and now i am confident that i will slowly mean less to them as the year goes on and we don't see each other. they are going to continue living with each other, doing the daily things together, and grow closer as friends. as for me, i will text them often and talk to them on the phone occasionally, but it is far from the same. but despite it all, i loved seeing them and being around them again. it was an odd feeling to be back on nw's campus, but i'm still thankful i could go up there.
i think the other problem is that this whole situation wouldn't suck as much if i had great friends in des moines, but i don't. so that makes it even harder. i have recently been reminded of the quote 'wherever you are, be all there' and i am going to intentionally try to take that to heart. i can't keep focusing on the fact that my friends are in orange city and i am here. the fact is that i AM here, and this is where i need to make the most of my life. i spent most of my night looking up random events in des moines and ways to be involved in the community, and i also emailed a pastor at my new church to ask for opportunities to meet with other recent grads. i know it will take time, but i really need to start developing my life here and creating new memories with new friends.
moving on, another random thought: i have realized recently how much i do want romance to be part of my dating life. i'm not a very high maintenance girl and it doesn't take much to please me, but i really do appreciate it when guys do romantic things for girls. i don't think i've ever really had a very 'romantic' boyfriend before- and it's not a huge deal, but i see how some of my friends' boyfriends/fiances treat them, and i see how special it is.
i was listening to a song by eminem the other day, and it kinda broke my heart thinking about how sad and lost he must be. then i just started thinking about how so many people feel that way. and then i felt completely humbled and grateful that God would open my eyes to Him, and that my life isn't like that.
my friend jenny's cousin was dealing with cancer for a long time. during this time, they had bracelets made for her, and jenny gave one to each of us girls to wear. it was similar to those livestrong bracelets, but it was purple and said 'be joyful in hope.' she probably gave me that bracelet like 8 months ago, and i wore mine every day, even if i was wearing a more 'dressy' outfit. well my bracelet broke not too long ago; ironically, within a couple days of when jenny's cousin passed away. so this weekend i went to life light in sioux falls, and i saw a pretty casual bracelet that said 'hope' on it. i bought it right away. i think i've realized lately how much i want to be a person who believes in that- hope. because if we don't have hope, then what do we have? what are we living for? so i think i am learning more about how to be hopeful, and even more about how to be joyful in that hope.
i have more, but what's the fun if i throw out all my thoughts in one night? perhaps i'll write again soon. with not working until 1:00 every day, you'd think i would have time, right?
love.
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