happy thanksgiving!!

i love this holiday. it's not my favorite, but i do enjoy it. great food, time with part of my family, and it's the start of great christmas movies and christmas season. plus, everyone celebrates it. i can say "happy thanksgiving!" to anyone i encounter, without worrying about offending them because of race or religion or anything of the sort. so here's to having a fantastic thanksgiving in 2010 :)

i am mainly updating this blog because of a dear friend who has reminded me in a 'friendly' way that i suck at writing in it. so alas, here i am. a few thoughts:

1. i read a quote from the perks of being a wallflower, "we accept the love we think we deserve." when i first read this, i didn't think i agreed. but now i kind of do. i want to date and marry a guy who is a spiritual leader in the relationship, encourages and challenges me in my faith, and all around pure. i have even recently become somewhat interested in a guy that i think could fit these descriptions. but when i'm honest with myself, i don't believe that i deserve him. i don't think i'm good enough. i've made some stupid mistakes in my life, and these are issues that i would need to discuss with the future husband. and i'm afraid he would realize that i'm not good enough for him then. so i think i need to accept a relationship that is more 'fitting' with the lifestyle i have lived up until this point.

2. i'm excited to move out of my parents' house and get an apartment. when this is happening, i don't know. and believe me, i've been extremely grateful for how they've still provided for me and helped me out so much. i just know that i'm naturally someone who will let others take care of me, and unless i'm forced to, i won't act like the adult i'm supposed to be. and right now, i don't feel like a college graduate. this might also be contributed to the lack of 'job' i have. yes, i am employed and receiving a paycheck every two weeks. but i don't feel like i'm using my degree. and i don't know how/when i will fully use it.

3. i really want to control everything in my life right now, but i know God is teaching me to be patient and trust Him. and to pray about things. if i'm not praying, i'm saying i don't need Him. and i really really do.

4. i need to be a more decisive person, as well as less passive. i don't want to be aggressive, just not passive. if that makes sense. and one of these days, i'm going to surprise people by making these changes.

5. i'm thankful.

xoxo