jumbled thoughts.

so i considered making this post private, and then i was going to just spill everything that was on my mind. because i don't do that enough...i know i have a lot jumbled together up there, but i don't always sort through it. and the best way for me to do that is to sit down and write. but i type faster than i write, so this is kind of the best option. but then i couldnt figure out how to make the post private [it's probably very simple and i'm just being an idiot] so i'll edit my thoughts due to the fact that i have an audience...of about two. :)

i go back to work tomorrow, meaning christmas break is officially over. sad day. since i am an adult and in the "real world" now, i should have only had a couple days off, but because my job follows the school calendar, then i had about 12 days off. not quite the same as college, but a good transition. i spent most of the break with my family, which was quite necessary and quite awesome. it's not like we did that much-we rarely do-but we were together. and that's what means the most to me. my high school friends usually give me crap for spending too much time with my family, but i don't really care. for the most part, i become anti-social when my sisters are in town because i don't see them very often. and i love having everyone together. my sisters are my best friends. and every time we're all together, i realize how different we really are from each other. and how certain sides or characteristics come out of me that usually don't when i'm just with my friends. sometimes i like this, sometimes i don't. but it's just GOOD when we're together. plus my niece and nephew are, hands down, the cutest babies ever. i know every aunt would say that, but i think i win. ash is going to grow up to be a good looking, southern gentleman, and adele is going to be a heart breaker with her crazy and fun side. i wish i saw them more, mainly because i recognize that they won't ever know me that well. i'm just going to be the aunt they see twice a year. but i'm going to make sure those two times a year are downright awesome. if you don't believe me, wait and see.

i am currently struggling with trying to not figure out everything in my life. but like i said- i'm struggling. i want to know where i'll be living and what i'll be doing 6-9 months from now. i'll finish out the year working for the teen center, and then what? i'd like to supervise the ymca day camp again, especially because i need a somewhat flexible schedule so i can go to the 816 weddings i have on my calendar. but then i want to do something new and exciting. maybe something that feels slightly more fulfilling. as my friend reminded me tonight, i am doing something good and important with my life. but i don't always feel that way. and i just don't know where to start when it comes to looking for a new job or opportunity. i want to make the most of my time as being a young adult with no commitments holding me down [such as a husband or other relationship]. but i'm also scared and have no faith or confidence in myself to do anything. and i don't know how to change that.

i also wish i could figure out where to take things in regards to relationships. i won't get into details, but basically i wish i could look into the future and see where God takes me. i read into things too much right now, and i just confuse myself.

i feel like referring to proverbs 3:5-6 is too cliche right now, but i think it's what i need to be reminded of. trusting God...because He will make my paths straight...

and i will end with a quote:

"impossible, you consider some things as being impossible. but i tell you, i am the God of impossibilities. nothing is too difficult for me. no mountain is too high nor is any river too wide. let your faith rise to the occasion of what you consider impossible. bring to me those very things and ask of me. see what i will do when you lift me up in prayer, believing that i can do all things. stop placing limits on what you think i can do. remember that i delight in working on your behalf because you are mine and i love you."