the last days...

its been exactly six weeks since i've gotten here. and now i'm leaving in shortly over 24 hours.. i don't know where the time went. i have lots of things that i'm looking forward to once i get home, but it really does make me sad to leave this place. i've developed relationships, some that i hope to continue, while not being sure if i'll ever see these people again. i am extremely grateful for each of them and their love and willingness to open their houses, lives and hearts to us.

geri and i went to mt. burlia for church on sunday, which is where robert and his family go. we got there shortly before 11, close to when sunday school was ending. the service didn't end up starting til close to 1130 [which we didn't know beforehand], and i think we left the building at 1:45. pretty typical down here :) the services at trinity are gonna fly by when i'm back in orange city! anyway, one of the things the pastor preached on was about God providing all of our needs- not necessarily our wants. sometimes we may think we know what we want, but God has something different planned. for example, you may think you want some fancy car [i would give an example, but i know nothing about cars..] but in reality, God has blessed you with a way of transportation that gets you from point a to point b... which is all we truly need. i'm also guessing most of us would not turn down one million dollars. but if you really had that money, would you be where are you are today? honestly think about it. i don't think i would be in cary, mississippi. why would i? but i'm so glad i am! it really just kinda hit me. sure, its natural to want that shirt you saw in the mall. or you want to update your cell phone and get the more advanced one. i don't think it's bad to want those things.... but you have to remember to be thankful for how God has blessed you, and He HAS provided you with the necessities to survive. how often do we take those items for granted?

i've had a couple issues with a few of the first graders this week. maybe i'm just completely ignorant and think too positively sometimes, but i was surprised with how these boys acted with one another. as soon as i walked in the classroom yesterday, tayvion punched brandon in the face. i was furious. while i was talking to tayvion, brandon ended up slapping trevion in the face. soon after, while i was talking to brandon, trevion hit tayvion. it was a full circle! i really didn't know how to respond or how to handle the situation. in the end, we all calmed down and i think were okay. they entered class today as best friends [typical boys- fight, get it over with, and move on :)] but 10 minutes into class, they were throwing fists again. we started discussing on whether or not its okay to fight. i had talked with some of the kids earlier this summer about this, and the little ones gave me the same response today. they told me that they had been taught if someone hits you, you hit them back- but harder. if someone pushes you, you push them back harder. that's what their parents are teaching them. for me, i was raised in a home full of love. i was never spanked or physically punished for anything. [although my sisters were, i believe- maybe that just says something about me as a child? :) just kidding... i definitely had/have my rebellious moments!] but it is so different down here. and not saying it's not the same in other parts of the country- i understand that it is. it just breaks my heart to know what kind of family life some of these kids are going back to at the end of the day. i have a kindergartner in class, whose name is marcus. he is always gazing off, without showing any signs of knowing whats going on around him. at first, he seems like a very quiet and adorable little boy. but he's tricky- he randomly kicks people, hits people, steals things from them. and then he'll kinda cry as if he's the victim. or just sits there, looking confused. charlotte, one of my co-workers, and i kinda joke around about his dazed expressions and his attitude. you can try talking to him, explaining whats good behavior and whats not, but we know he's not really listening. well, i had another co-worker tell me today that marcus's mom did drugs while she was pregnant and still does them now, which is why he is the way he is. talk about making me feel guilty!! i still think he needs to be held accountable for his actions, but that definitely made me rethink how i respond to him. the chances are good that as soon as he leaves our summer program, he goes back home to a mom on drugs and doesn't show any attention to him, or at least not positive attention. and the sad thing is, i know that's not uncommon.

i had another first grader walk up to me today and say hi. he wasn't at program yesterday, so i asked where he was. he told me his daddy died, and he was at the funeral. it broke my heart to hear that. we also had a puppet show this morning with some of the volunteers who are here this week. they were teaching the kids joshua 1:9 "have i not commanded you? be strong and courageous. do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." their leader [meg] started asking the kids if they've ever felt discouraged and if they wanted to share one of those times. probably four or five kids explained they are sad because they don't see their mom and/or dad. meg said she was the same, and she missed her parents while she was in mississippi for the week. what she didn't understand.... what a lot of us don't understand... is that these kids weren't talking about not seeing their mom or dad for a couple days, or even a week. some have died, some moved out, others have never really existed in their child's lives.

my mom has always encouraged me to remember that everyone has a story. while i've heard that many times, and always believed it, it hasn't always changed how i treat people. i encourage you to remember that every person you come encountered with has some type of background that gives reason to who they are today. you may see them as a self-centered individual, always creating preposterous stories- in reality, they may not receive any attention at home and strive for it on other places. another person may come across as a jerk, always being mean to those around them- maybe this is the only way they've witnessed people treating each other. don't judge them based on outward appearance or the personality they seem to have...there's usually more going on that we don't see.

love.